My Thirteenth Entry. Mood: Very Very Low

People always say 13 is an unlucky number. Yes it is, this entry is my thirteenth entry, and I have so much unhappy things to say.

Yesterday is my unlucky day. I went to school after I bought the drumsticks with Yinzhi, and CO room was not open, so we went to SE's room. Yinzhi suddenly suggested for me to play "Yu Bei". At first, I refused. Unfortunately, Ah-Beng entered and saw me. He was so eager to hear me. I think he has the right to hear me play, no matter if I was very lousy or not. Then I played. It was really so fucking shit as I expected. I know he was so dissapointed and nervous, though he did not say or express anything. I feel so bad that I don't know how to face him after that play. I keep thinking: If he is really dissapointed, will he still want me to play? I think I just have to continue practice and do my best.

After that, we went back to CO room. NJ came in and looked at the sticks that I have just bought. He pointed out that one of the sticks is abit crooked. It was my fault that I din't check on that area. Regarding the difference in size, I really have tried my best. Sorry Shimin. It is my fault and so I know that I should go back today to change it. Today I really changed le, but it still has difference between the size. I really have done my best le. They say that there won't possibly has exactly same size pair of sticks.

Then last evening, I went to class. I know that I'm going to get back my paper. I was thinking that I am able to get about 70+. But teacher said I fail. I really couldn't believe it. I thought she must have seen the marks wrongly, but when she gone through the answers, I finds that there are indeed alot of mistakes that I did in answering the questions. I did not see the questions properly. I was really so down last night, I really did studied hard for that test.

So last night I had a bad mood, no one understands. My mum suddenly ask me to go facial on the next day. Facial is a very very pain thing and I deeply hate it. Rongguang MSNed me last night and I told him that I'm having a bad mood. We were talking about the facial thing and then I suddenly typed "shut up la u!!!" I think I offended him that time. I'm sorry, Rongguang. I will try to control myself next time.

So today I indeed went to the facial. As expected, it was so pain. After that, I took a bus number which I never took before to bugis. On the way there, ZG msged me that he can't meet me at Bugis le. Actually, I have already expected that because he had said that he is having problem with his project. I understand and I'm sure ok with that, just feel abit pity that I won't be able to meet him again, but he had promised me to take dinner with me. I alighted at a strange place, and walked all around to look for Bras Basah under the big sun. Finally, I found my way. That lady allowed me to change the sticks, but until now, I still can't find a pair of identical ones as I've said.

During dazu practice, I played so badly, I was so sleepy, and I'm not in such a good mood. I hate myself for not practising the yun luo as the positions have changed from last time. But I thought I can't practice also because it was locked in the Dance Studio and I seldom go down to CO room le. I played so bad for the Dong Lie and felt sorry for all the SPCO members because it is their favourite song.

When we go home, ZG accompanied me back to JE, and we talked about my concert for tomorrow's thing. I am helping a small group for tomorrow's street performance at BEDOK. Its so far, then that guy-in-charge asked me to bring a big drum for that 1 particular song of Wushu. Now I am having so much inconvenience just to get that drum. I'm still cracking my brain on how to meet Shimin to take the Dance Studio keys. No one will be at CO room helping me because LayLing says that weekends' club house must be closed. But she allowed me just to take that thing. Then at first I thought if I have to take the cab all alone myself with that big drum to and fro with the drum. I'm so tired of thinking of this now. As what Zhiguan has said, I'm just a guest player, why am I doing so many stupid things? I still have to bring back the drums tomorrow night back to CO room because I don't want to bring back my house and bring it to CO room again another day. So by tomorrow night, it will be so late. Hello, will anyone be there? Ofcourse not! SPCO is going out tomorrow. Who will be so stupid to be there just to wait for me at night at CO room? Yeah, ZG, says he wants to help. But he is going to be so busy tomorrow. He is going out with the rest and he also has to take his passport back from Lavender. Before I parted from him at JE, I tell him no need to help me anything tomorrow. I really don't wish to trouble him tomorrow. ZG, I really understand and I really was not angry with you just now. If you really helped, I will keep blaming myself because I know you will be so busy tomorrow. Luckily, my dad agreed to fetch me there and back. Now Zhiguan is so angry and frustrated with those people that he was quite fierce to me just now. I don't know whether he can understand me my situation or not that I really am sandwiched.

Please understand me, know how I feel. I don't need any solutions, I just need people to know my feelings. Guys, I actually feel like crying out these two days at every second. Its so hard for me to cover myself today during the whole practice. I'm looking for a place to relief my tears.

Ah-Beng, I will try my very best de. I really hope I won't dissapoint you. Please give me sometime.